A Quick Single…

A 13 year old girl sits on Santa's knee. Santa says "What would you like for Christmas?" The girl says "I want some hair round my fanny". Santa says "Would a white beard be OK?"

Pass Thy Salt and Thy Pepper

I was to be found lurking about in Sendagaya recently. You probably don’t care do you. I don’t blame you, because as it turns out Sendagaya is not nearly as good as you’d think.

In fact, I asked some other people who probably know a lot more about it than me, and definitely more than you, but they also said didn’t know where it was.

Despite this, I did find a very weird little shop selling salt and pepper shakers molded to look like popular religious charachters.

There were no one’s of Joseph. Come to think of it, isn’t it strange how Joseph isn’t really all that well known compared to the other characters from the Nativity. Everyone knows about the 3 wise men, and Mary and Baby Joseph of course, but no one seems to concentrate on Joseph.

He just blends in like the other guy in Wham, that dud Prince Edward, or that 5th guy in Arashi who just stands looking at the camera.

The bit that I like about this product is that it would in all likelihood appeal to both hard core Christians and atheists equally. An atheist would take great delight in a sacred Christian symbols being portrayed as condiment shakers, whilst a Christian would probably draw equal pleasure from receiving one under the Xmas tree. There aren’t many new products that can pull that off.

They don’t come cheap either. If you are willing to splash out on a top of the line Chrome plated Mary, it will set you back all of Y4725.

A Quick Single…

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful cunts. All I said was "hurry up for fucks sake - some of us have homes to go to!"

Dramatic Arts Scene

Guest Blog by: tJIoGT Department of Dramatic Art, Prof. Desmond Clary MA.

I would like to use this occasion to congratulate all the prospective undergraduates selected to progress through to the 2nd round of our 2010 Dramatic Arts Program performance auditions.

This exceptionally high standard of competition this year has ensured for an extremely difficult and laborious culling process. Those young men selected to proceed into the ensuing rounds of competition can expect things to stiffen up considerably. Possibly in ways their young minds cannot yet imagine.

On the down side though, failed candidates need not be deterred or discouraged by the shame that my rejection undeniably brings them and their families. Instead, I ask such people to remember that there entire careers lay ahead of them, and encourage them to pursue his or her studies at any one of the less prestigious, inferior institutions that litter our country’s academic landscape.

Of all the rejected candidates to have darkened my door so far this year though, one young man perhaps stands out in particular. A very brave and courageous man named Simon, whom as luck would have I decided to cull early on the opening day of the selection process.

Despite his obvious lack of talent he immediately stood out from the other candidates for he was the only applicant in a wheel chair. As he rolled himself onto the stage he introduced himself as Simon.

I was immediately captivated by his courage and said, “It's very brave you coming out here in your wheelchair – Do you mind if I ask you what happened?" To this Simon said, "About a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a terrible car accident. Unfortunately, my uncle was killed instantly, but I survived, trapped in the car for 4 hours and had to be cut free. Although the doctors had me in surgery for 18 hours, but they couldn't save my legs."

"That's terrible” I said. “But I see you have legs now, are they artificial?"

"No, whilst in hospital, the doctors advised me that the uncle who had been in the car with me had passed away, but that his legs were fine, and that with all the advances in medical science, they could graft his legs directly onto my body. I have been having physiotherapy for 12 months, and I hope to be walking again someday."

I was taken aback by his optimism and said "That's fantastic. So, who are you going to do for your audition?"

Simon replied "Well, I am going to be Simon and Half-Uncle."

A Quick Single…

A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asks. "About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!"