The Decline of Celebrity Sexual Scandal

Filed by: The Author of tIoGT
 So Tiger Woods would appear to be a considerably different man to that of his public persona. It would also appear he has let his loved ones down badly, and inflicted irrecoverable damage on his character, reputation and earning capacity.


But rather than feeling angry and disappointed like so many fans seem to be, given my deep love of celebrity sexual scandals, I cant help but feel a debt of gratitude to Woods for the great deal of personal pleasure to be derived from his present circumstance.

Maybe its because I grew up in a very normal and stable home, but when I was a little boy, the sexual indiscretions of celebrities and high profile politicians were so much more entertaining than they are nowadays. They used to be exactly that- Scandalous. They were highly entertaining and always worth a second look. Good for a bit of a giggle anyway if nothing else.

I am talking about events such as Lady Dina, wife of the future king of the Great Britain and all its empire screwing English Rugby Captain Will Carling. Or the time Woody Allen married his Stepdaughter Soon-Yi in 1997!

How about when Princess ‘Fergie’, Sarah Duchess of York* was photographed copping a toe job from an American banker in 1992!! 

And who could forget the fabulously reliable Lord Archer.

Ah, yes. Then there was the time Prince Charles was caught on his cell phone telling that horsy sloan Camilla he wanted to be her tampon!! Scandalous!   

How about President Bill Clinton giving his intern a good seeing to with a cigar before ejaculating on their dresses in the oval office midway through his first term?! Fantastic!

The list goes on and on. Spoiled for choice we were!

Even my parent’s generation were lucky enough to be blessed with high quality sexual scandals! Take Marilyn Monroe getting stuffed and snuffed by JFK, or his brother Teddy Kennedy abandoning a girl at the bottom of a river after he crashed his car drunk.

And so what have the last 10 years thrown up? Nothing of note as far as I am concerned.

Now that Michael Jackson is gone, it would seem even the most sleaziest of tabloids are filled with half stories about some actress seen snogging a co-star in a nightclub, or some on-again-off-again romance between a washed up boy band dancer and a two-bit fashion designer…

Sure I will admit there have been some exceptions. Michael Jackson and Britney can hold her heads up high. Paris Hilton made a movie. French President Sarkozy also deserves a mention for marrying an Italian supermodel whilst in office only months after a divorce.

But while each of these mavericks have all turned in high quality performances, I think most seasoned observers would admit they represent the exception rather than the rule.

Problem is that celebrities are under the microscope as never before and are aware that any slip up, no matter how slight, is directly detrimental to their reputation, earning capacity, and longevity.

Dark days indeed, and until good old Eldrick Tont Woods life turned pear shape, I was beginning to believe the celebrity sex scandal was an endangered or even extinct species.

Lets take a look back at the highlights so far.

The mysterious car crash in the secretive gated community!!

The mysterious car crash in the secretive gated community!!
As many as 20 alleged mistresses!!
The 18 holes jokes!!
The wife attacking him in the street with his own golf clubs!!
The bogus press reports saying the wife had dragged him from the car!!
Tiger’s obsession for white women with big tits!!
His caddy and closest friend’s jaw dropping denial he knew anything!!
Tiger’s balding forehead!!
The desperate answering machine message!! Delete!!! Delete!!
The speculation surrounding the divorce payout! (I’m guessing $120mln)
The wife’s mom being rushed to hospital after collapsing!!
The porn star mistress!!
A veteran of 86 movies no less!!
The sordid admission of sexual addiction!!
The flimsy expressions of support from his sponsors!!
The same sponsors rushing for the exit 5 minutes later!!
Tiger posing topless on Vanity Fair half way through!!
The British mistress’s comments regarding the size of his package!!
Uncomfortably being voted “Sportsman of the Decade” halfway through!!
The pathetic, TV interview by money-grabbing mistress #2 Jamie Grubbs apologizing to the wife!!
The extended cover-up by the National Inquirer!!
Tiger taking his wife to a restaurant whilst his waitress mistress’s was on shift!!

And most of all….YES…..

The revelation that he was caught on film screwing some slapper from behind in a church car park!! OUT SIDE THE CAR!! IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!


Such a breath of fresh air! Suddenly it is just like old times again! Surely no celebrity since Michael Jackson has openly volunteered such a quantity and quality standard of scandal based entertainment with such reliability.

This is a level of pleasure that only other hard core fans of gutter tabloids rags like The National Enquirer, Britain’s ‘The News of The World’ will be capable of understanding.

In closing this post, please allow me to leave you with a prediction. Although many that know me will be surprised to hear this I am going to say it anyway, for I believe it to be true.

By the time this whole epoch changing situation has run its course it will have been more entertaining than the final 16 years of Anna-Nicole Smith’s life.

We aren’t quite at that level yet, but it is possible.

* Bonus giggle: Fergie’s Wikipedia page currently lists the former duchess as: "Charity patron, spokesperson, writer, film producer, television personality and former member of the British Royal Family"