Hideki Matsui Mystery

I was walking about in the park in front of the train station minding my own business as is my custom, the other afternoon. It was very hot and I was at the end of my tether. Here I am.

Although I did have my new red purse, and snoopy socks on so I was turning heads.
Tokyo is getting hot recently. I am not talking 2008 hot, because that was despicably hot, but it is only early days.

I have been thinking about the heat a lot lately.

When I was young and didn’t have any other choice but to put up with heat it really didn’t worry me. Now that I am successful and very particular in relation to my dislikes, I simply can’t find it in myself to give a rat’s ass for the heat anymore. The heat also makes my balls become this shape.

With the winter, you can just pop an extra layer on to get away from the cold. But not with the heat you can’t. There is no escape. It is always there. Every morning, ten minutes after stepping out the front door, the bum crack is on fire, the tattoos are melting, hair gel is disheveled, my back bathed in sweat on the train (half the time its not even my own sweat). By the time I finally get home, I look like something that crawled out of the sea.

Can you imagine living in one of those shitty countries like Indonesia, India, or Mexico closer to the equator with oppressive year round heat? No wonder nothing ever seems to get done in those dreadful type of places. Probably also explains why every time these places feature on a news broadcast news, every beggar in the footage looks alcoholic and in dire need of need of a bath or hose down.

So anyway, I was at a station, when I saw this poster with that pretty boy Hideki Matsui’s ugly mug plastered on it.

Look at the slogan, on the upper left hand side. I have yellowed out the last line, because I want you to guess what it is.

Go, on. Don't look yet, play my little game. What could it be.

I love baby, I love children…..

...I love teeth.

Besides the fact that the baby probably doesn’t have any teeth, Hideki’s are obviously false, and the poster is entirely in English, I have heard the poster campaign was a big success in Japan.

Note to Hideki: after a decade living in America it might be time to shell out for those English lessons you have always promised yourself. Best to wait until your baby’s broken ear recovers though.

Truth be told though, it did help to take my mind off the fact that my balls and bum crack were on fire.