Steaming Hot Tokyo Flesh

Things are definitely hotting up here in Tokyo, with the last few weeks particularly brutal. Japanese temperatures are nudging the mid 30’s in the mid afternoon, and the mid 40’s in my bum crack (around 100 farenhiet for the American’s without an adequate grasp of the metric system.)

(While I am on the topic, isn’t it amusing that however much American cultural imperialism embeds itself into every nook and cranny of our planet, the piss-weak, inferior, illogical system of measurement they stubbornly cling to remains universally shunned.)

Note to America: Miles, ounces, fahrenheit, pounds, quarts, inches and all the rest of it- you can stick it right up your bum.

While you are at it, also stick all the words you have invented to measure the various stages of education like freshman, elementary school, sophomore, and homecoming etc. Nobody understands them, or gives a damn, so don’t bother trying to explain them, Just stick em in ya bum.

At least somebody knows where to find information on the non metric system.

Lets get back on topic- summer heat. Just from walking around town speaking to, and eavesdropping on other Tokyoites this last week, it has become abundantly clear that many people have some pretty strange ways to keep cool.

Take Mrs. Jennifer Yamaguchi for example of Katsushika-ward, Tokyo. Her methods may be unorthodox, but at least she gets the result.

Probably be even more effective if she took the bottle cap of though.

For every one moron like Jennifer though, there are a thousand like Hiroshi here, of Bunkyo-ward. Hiroshi was one of dozens succumbing to the rising mercury during the post Tsuyu heat.

It wasn’t all bad for Hiroshi though as although he didn’t make it home, he did manage set a new posthumous Guinness record for the longest ass crack, eclipsing a very competitive field.

Another person I recently stumbled across was Anastasia of Yokosuka, a delightful eastern European Tokyoite also completely fed up with the July heat.

Anastasia tells me she normally makes a tidy living servicing off base US serviceman from the nearby navy base, but the summer heat has really been effecting business. “Once the mercury gets over 30, you can’t blame the guys for not wanting to come venturing off base for a handjob. It’s a lot of effort, and many are just preferring to just stay in an play Xbox or something” said Pamela.

By the way, its best to sit on Anastasia’s right side if you are down in Yokosuka for a handjob.

Anyway, so the summer heat is taking its toll on people, even journalists. Take yesterday for example, there I was sitting in my tatami room eating my muesli, as is my custom on Sunday mornings, when I opened up the paper and was confronted by this….

Yes I know. It’s absolutely appalling. Newspapers aren’t cheap anymore, and when I go to the trouble of having somebody deliver one, the least I expect is adequate, and professional typeface editing. As best I can estimate there are 9 (nine) font spaces open between this chap KIWEWEESI’s name, and his working title-PASTOR.

If I did that with a PowerPoint presentation at work, my boss would quite rightfully pull me up for it. It just comes down to either a) simple text alignment, b) taking half the longer word onto the next line, or c) popping an extra adjective or photograph in front of PASTOR.

Anyway, this put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day and it was all I could do to somehow manage to enjoy my surf. It was my pre laundry day so I was in my briefs again.