Back Seat Action

Filed by: Chief of tIoGT Campus Police, Snr. Sgt. Randy Macklin
Many staff and students will have noticed the stringent changes currently being implemented by my staff during the past several weeks. And while some have unwisely elected to question both the stringency of the measures, as well as the enthusiasm with which they are being enforced by Campus Security, I would like to reassure all campus users that our efforts are paramount to the preservation of a cohesive learning environment.

Recently, I had the pleasure to personally observe some of the rewards brought by my staff’s ongoing vigilance whilst accompanying a scheduled patrol of the Cardiology Department parking lot. It will come as no surprise to many of you to learn that the secluded nature of the parking structure means it is a popular area for young couples to congregate together during evening hours. The vigilance of my staff ensures that many of our patrols are hence concentrated in this area.

During this particular patrol we came across a car with the interior light on. After observing the vehicle from the adjacent park for some time, we approached to get a closer look.

Inside the vehicle there was a young man behind the wheel, reading a magazine. We also observed a very attractive young woman sitting by herself in the backseat knitting a sweater. Puzzled by this peculiar situation, my patrol leader and I walked up to car and gently tapped on the driver's window.

After the young man lowered his window I asked him what he was doing. The young man replied: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat I said: "And how about her, what’s she doing?" The young man shrugged: "Sir, its fairly obvious. She's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, I was quite confused by this. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in secluded area of the campus...and nothing evenly remotely obscene was occurring!

I then asked: "How old are you?" The young man replied "I'm 22, sir." I then asked: "And her... how old is she?" The young man looks at his watch and replied: "She'll be 18 in 9minutes and precisely 25 seconds."