Professional Discretion

Guest Blog Filed by: tIoGT Center for Orthopedic Medicine, Prof. Steven Peller

Like most medical professionals, I don’t easily betray the sacred doctor/patient confidence I share with the people whom I treat at the Institute. Like most doctors though, I of course make an exception when speaking to my wife, or some of the chaps at the club for instance. After all, some stories are just too entertaining to keep bottled up. One such case involved a patient who recently visited my practice with a fairly peculiar affliction.

Once we sat down he said "Well Doctor, I've got this problem and it's really rather embarrassing...I've got an orange penis..." At first I didn’t believe him, and told him as much.

I instructed the man to remove his trousers and underpants so I could examine the condition. Sure enough right there before my eyes was a bright orange penis. "Amazing," I said. "I’ve seen rashes like this on other parts of the body, but never around the genitals. In such cases its normally caused by massive amounts of stress in a person's life - Please tell me about your work life?"

The man informed me he had been sacked a little over a month ago..." I said, "Ah! so that must be the problem." "Well I am not so sure Doctor," replied the guy, "I really hated my old job - the hours were terrible, the work was boring and my boss was a complete ass. I've now got a better job with better pay, better hours, it's interesting and the boss is cool."

"Ok," says the doc, "So that isn't the problem. What about your life at home?" To this the guy replied "Well, I'm currently going through a divorce from my wife." "Ah!" says the doctor, "that must be the cause." "Well I don't think so," replied the patient "My ex-wife was a complete bitch. All she did all day was nag me to death- I'm actually relieved to be rid of her."

"Ok," I said, "So that cant be the problem. What about your social life?"

To this the guy replied "Well... I don't really have one - most nights I just stay home, watch porn and eat Cheetos..."